The irony...

To wonder what she is doing now, what is she eating.
To call her phone, to think if she'll visit that day or not.
To check for her message many times everyday.
To shop for her instead of youself.
To turns you happy and sad at the same time when you think bout her.

Love, is when you always wonder about her...

Yet, she won't visit just cause you're always thinking about her.
Worrying if she will think about you.
Worrying if you will bother her.
Worrying if she will find you a bore.
Worrying if she will stop loving you one day...

Love, is when you spend endless night crying for her...

Yet, you still love her...

Promises...

22/09/09

When you promise something to somebody,
you desire to be trust.
When you make somebody promise something,
this person you want to trust.
When you keep the promise,
you build up the trust.


If you break your promise,
how am I gonna trust?

Pain from the past...

11/09/09

Just watch an anime '07 Ghost'.
There's a scene bout how bishops-wanna-be have to face their own darkness as a test. Of them all, one I took very personally into it.
His darkness is his own hatred to his father...

Once back in my psychology class, my lecturer gave a sample therapy session to us. It goes something like:

Imagine a peaceful place, place where you can relax.
A place with a huge beautiful tree which you slowly walk to.
You saw a kid under the tree. You move in closer to see who the kid is.
As you walk closer, you realize the kid look very familiar.
The kid...
is you...

I almost cried at this point...

The therapy continues with what would you do or say to the kid?

"Your not alone..."
Can almost see myself crying with the kid...


Still feels very shaken when I think bout it. This lump of air that caught between my heart and lungs. This pain that won't easily go away...
Yet, I still gotta move on...
I have to, as it is the only way I know how to go...
It is the only way I can go...

And so it starts...

09/09/09

Exactly 4yrs since I've sign on SAF in hope for a more stable source of income to save for our dream.
Then again, perhaps it all just me dreaming alone.

With more than 40% of my pay locked up every month with all sorts of saving plans, bills, school fees and allowance for my parent, I've barely enough for myself and yet I'm still paying for all our dates.

The truth is I've never really blame her. I've enjoyed the last 4 and half yrs with her very much. I may struggle alot to even stay alive but I'm really happy giving her everything I got.

I really miss those days...